I'm so fucking centered right now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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