Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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