The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
