you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
