wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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