She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
