no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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