weddingsv make me drug and hornr
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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