two words: eviction party
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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