Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize