You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
