You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize