The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
