That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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