A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
