put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize