Umm I'm too high to move.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
