This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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