Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize