Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
