OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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