Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
