If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
