i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
