it wasn't lemon gatorade
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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