I faked an abortion last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
