Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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