Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
