Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
