Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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