Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
