even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
as a side note pls kill me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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