You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
