i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize