Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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