There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
