just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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