I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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