I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I love you.
Bad choice
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
