splinters make it hard to masturbate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
