so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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