Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize