if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
