No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
