Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
