After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
