Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize