you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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