the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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