well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
