I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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