hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
