areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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