I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
