i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it hurts more in the daytime
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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