the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
