I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
