I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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