I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
