So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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