stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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