My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
