She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
