Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
