I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
