It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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