I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I want a musical about memes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
