I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
