I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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