Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I deserve this hangover.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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