In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
