we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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