my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
