My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
