I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
