do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
