You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
