Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
