I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
