My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
