whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
