Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize