had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
