dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
