A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
