Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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