Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
