i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
