hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
