The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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