You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
organizing the empties. That sober.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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