I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
