What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
