your thong is hanging out like whoa
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
