I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
