...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
