i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
